Diane Rehm is the radio-program host of the “The Diane Rehm Show.” She hosts her program on WAMU through the American University in Washington D.C. The show is nationally syndicated on National Public Radio (NPR.)

I love NPR. But Diane Rehm is driving me frigging crazy. Everyone just gushes on and on about how wonderful she is: she’s articulate, educated, well-spoken, interesting, insightful, etc., etc. and blah blah blah.

The truth is she is maddeningly annoying because she talks…so…god…damned…slowly. It’s making me crazy. I frequently listen to NPR on Sirius Satellite radio, and they play her show constantly. 3 times a day I find her on the air.

Now, I know that she has a speech disorder. She has Spasmodic Dysphonia, a disease of the larynx which causes involuntary spasms of the muscles in the throat and larynx. This cannot be treated with speech therapy or vocal training. The most effective way to treat it is with Botox injections directly to the throat. And that sucks. The disorder caused her to take a break from broadcasting. My assumption is that she speaks so slowly as means of coping with her disorder.

That’s all well and good; I applaud her efforts and sympathize with her plight. I am very sorry for her and for other S.D. sufferers. I know full well that I sound like an insensitive prick. A real asshole. But the fact remains that she is driving me crazy. I can’t stand the sound of her slow, warbling chaotic voice. IT DRIVES ME NUTS.

So I give her stupid voice on her stupid program a stupid rating of 2. I don’t care how articulate or intelligent or sensitive she is. She is a radio personality, and that line of work depends on a solid, commanding mellifluous voice. Diane Rehm does not qualify.

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